Making babies—and sounding like one too (Worst neighbors ever)

(don't) Cry

“(don’t) Cry” by Pedro Klien

To begin this blog post like so many others, with a scene involving my boyfriend in our crappy apartment:

Boyfriend and I, snuggling in bed, watching “Tree of Life”, furrowing our eyebrows and with bated breath, hoping that the dialogue and subsequent actual feature film presentation would begin in the next scene. We were an hour deep in this extreme patience, waiting for the movie to start. (If you’ve never seen “Tree of Life”, this is me telling you not to).

It was all very quiet, raining outside, watching a movie with no noise when a baby started crying in the apartment next to ours. The new neighbors, a young Bostonian couple, had just moved in. I hadn’t seen a baby though, they snuck that one by me. The baby started crying louder and louder, and then started pounding rhythmically on the wall….OH MY GOD.

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I need some f*cking friends

PICTORIAL REVIEW

"I'm tired of playing with dolls." Photo by George Eastman House

“Eric, Eric!” I yell at my boyfriend as I bound into our crappy little apartment. “I met a girl today! I met a girl today!”

“Oh! What’s her name?” he replies, quickly turning off the TV and energetically turning to face me on the couch where I plop down next to him.

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A Romantic Evening at the Leather Bar

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Photo by Roger Robberstad

“You guys know this is a leather bar, right?” his bushy mustache asked.

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Fake SDSU Student

A comedic faux-journalistic audio slideshow Patricia did with classmate Allie Daugherty.

Snapshot of a San Diego Halloween

Supermen by San Diego Shooter on Flickr

A loofa with butt cheeks, a bicycle gang of Teletubbies, gay cowboys, a frumpy Rhianna, Gay-braham Lincoln, a chain gang of monsters, the bumble bee girl from that Blind Melon music video, “The 1%”, 1,000 Waldos, 500 flapper girls, and a slew of slutty versions of furry creatures.

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Daisy Meadows: SDSU’s Herbal Guru

A comedy bit Patricia filmed with Eli Baldrige

Parcoravore

Learning how to play with cameras!

Filmed & edited by Patricia, parcored hardcore by Eli Baldrige

One for the surfers: The big SW swell in San Diego

Somewhere near New Zealand, there is/was a huge storm. I mean immense. It wasn’t a hurricane, but it was probably as close as you can get to being a hurricane as it could be without actually being one.

When I’m teaching kids how to surf, I talk to them about how storms from far away make ripples in the ocean that travel hundreds of miles to come to our shores and become waves for us to surf.

And then this happened:

Photo by Tim McKenna, Surfline

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Soulless San Diego

So this is my first time enduring the San Diego summer surge and not vacating back to my Los Angeles homeland. And there is a lot to be said about the types of Southern California guidos that find themselves stumbling and strutting around the SD coast during the summer vacation months.

License plates from Arizona and Utah join the fun too, parking poorly and driving aggressively through the town, stepping out of their cars with this look on this face like they might kill you or slip you a date rape drug, guys and girls alike.

They look like Real World casting rejects from the 1990s. Or like the people who didn’t get let into the MTV Beach House for being too drunk.

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‘Male Gynecologist’ even sounds like a prank

There comes a time in every young woman’s life when she has to pay a grown man to stare at her vagina and insert alien-like cold and slimy things into it.

I recently found myself in the office of an OBGYN, waiting to get my first pap smear. I didn’t even know what a pap smear was, but I knew that it involved being systematically violated by a stranger for some greater purpose.

My insurance had sent me a list of the local OBGYNs that I could see the week before, and I spent the whole time staring at the names, trying to decide with whom I wanted to bond in such a way based on their names.  Who oh who did I want to see the inside of my uterus?  Did I want a Dr. Mary or Elizabeth? Certainly not Deborah. Deh bore uh. No. No Deborah.

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